追憶似水年華

To tell you the truth, I think he's absolutely silly." Mr. Vildiran answered, "This gentleman is not frank, he's always so hypocritical, he's always so hesitant. There is always no crime on both sides. How different it is from Forshville! Whatever Foshville says, whether you like to listen or not. Unlike that one, he is always true or false. And Audrey seems to like Forshville better. I think she's right. In addition, Swan put before us an upper-class social figure and a defender of the Duchess, who really has a title, he is the Count of Forshville, "his voice is so soft, as if he knows the history of the Count's territory and gives it a high appraisal. "I'll tell you," said Mrs. Vildiran, "that he dared to attack Brishaw viciously and insinuately, but all he said was ridiculous. Of course, that's because he saw Brishaw being welcomed by the crowd, attacking him was attacking us or sabotaging our party. I feel that this kid is going out of the gate and will say nothing to anyone. "Didn't I tell you earlier?" Mr. Vildiran answered, "This fellow is not ambitious. He is jealous of everything he sees." In fact, no "believer" has a heart as good as Swan's; but all of them carefully cover up their malicious intentions with well-known jokes, a little emotion and a little sincerity; Swan disdains the cliche of "I'm not trying to say anything bad". The cliche was used to hide it, so any implication of it was regarded as the expression of Yin and viciousness. There are some extraordinary writers whose bold remarks arouse public disgust because they disdain to cater to the public's interests and do not provide the public with the cliche they are accustomed to; this is why Swan angered Mr. Vildiran. Like those writers, it was Swan's nonconformist language that made others think he had ulterior motives. Swan remained unconscious of the disgraced Willis he faced in the Vildiran family. He fell in love and continued to glorify their ridiculous words and deeds. Mrs. Bovary usually dates Audrey only in the evening, fearing that going to her house during the day would bore her, but he wants her to think of him all the time, so he always looks for opportunities to arouse her yearning for him, but in a way that naturally pleases her. If he walked past the window of a florist or jewelry store and was attracted by a small tree or jewelry, he would immediately think of giving it to Audrey, thinking that when she realized the joy of getting it, it would make her more attentive to him, and he would immediately ask the shop to send someone to Lapirouz. Go to the street, because every time she receives a gift from him, he always feels like he's beside her. In particular, he hoped that she would receive these gifts before she left home, so that when she saw him at the Vildeland's, her gratitude would turn into a warmer reception for him. Even if the deliverer could not wait, she would send him a letter before dinner or thank him personally. Once he realized that there were some objectionable aspects of her sexuality, now he tried to explore the deep feelings that she had never shown to him before from her gratitude. Often she was in financial straits and was forced by her creditors to turn to him for help. He was always willing to serve: he was willing to do anything that could show Audrey how much he loved her, or just how he could influence her and be of some use. Of course, he would not believe someone who said to him at the beginning, "What she sees is your status," and now he says, "The reason why she loves you is for your property." But since people assume that she is closely related to him because of something as powerful as the pursuit of elegance or money, they feel them. They were closely connected, and he was not overly dissatisfied with that kind of talk. Even if he thought they were right, he would not be sad to find that Audrey's love for him was based not only on her feelings for him and the qualities found in him, but also on a more lasting pillar of interest. Such a stake was enough that the day when she tried to break up with him would never come. At this moment, he keeps giving her gifts and serving her, so that besides his own character, intelligence and strong desire to please her at all costs, he can also rely on other favorable conditions. The pleasure of falling in love is only the pleasure of living for love, and sometimes he doubts whether it is realistic. But the more he pays for it as a spiritual lover, the more he feels its value is high - we do not see that some people doubt whether the sight of the sea and the surging sound of the waves are real. Wonderful, at the expense of 100 francs a day to rent a seaside hotel room to watch, so that not only can be convinced, but also their own extraordinary character has been affirmed? One day, just as he was thinking about it, he suddenly remembered that some people once said that Audrey was a woman supported by a lover. At that time, he once again used the strange rhetorical personification of "a woman supported by a lover", which was similar to the illusion painted by Gustav Moro. The poisonous flowers entwined with precious stones, a glittering mixture of hard-to-identify, demonic ingredients, contrasted with Audrey: Audrey, in her face, he could have witnessed the pity of the unfortunate, the indignation at the injustice, and the gratitude to the benefactor as he had ever been in his own hands. My mother saw the same expression on the faces of his friends; Odette, her words were often related to the things he was most familiar with, such as his collection, his bedroom, his old servant. The banker who deposited his stock suddenly reminded him that it was time to get some money from him. Yeah, he gave her 5,000 francs last month. If she hadn't given her so much material help this month and she didn't buy the diamond necklace she wanted, he would not have seen the generosity of her appreciation and gratitude that made him so happy, even when she saw such generosity. Less and less, may think that his love for her has faded. When he thought of it, he suddenly asked himself if it was "feeding" her. (It seems that the concept of "support" can be derived from something that is neither mysterious nor abnormal, but belongs to the realm of everyday private life, such as the ordinary torn and glued 1,000-franc note, which was stuffed in the drawer of his old desk by his male servant after paying his household and rent for the month. He also asked himself if the word "woman supported by a lover" which he thought was incompatible with Audrey since he knew her could be used in Audrey (because he never imagined that she would accept anyone's money before him). But he couldn't follow this line of thought any longer, because he was born lazy, and this laziness came for a while. It was the right time for him to come, so he put out all the fire of his wisdom immediately, just like in the era of electric lighting everywhere, he could put out all the lights of his family at once. It's the same. His thoughts fumbled for a moment in the dark. He took off his glasses, wiped the lenses, rubbed his eyes with his hands, and did not see the light until he found a new idea. The new idea was that Audrey would be given not five thousand francs but six or seven thousand francs next month to give her an unexpected pleasure. Gustav Moro (1826-1898), French painter. In the evening, when he did not stay at home and wait to go to the Villandilans to meet Audrey, or to eat in the Bronilin Garden, especially in the open-air restaurant they loved in Santa Cru, he went to eat at the upper-class families where he used to be a frequent guest. He didn't want to get out of touch with those people. Maybe they would be useful to Audrey some day, and it was because of them that he always got her favor. Moreover, he had long been accustomed to the luxurious life of the upper classes, and at the same time he felt disgusted with it, he also felt the need for such a life, so that even in their simplest shanty, he was so accustomed to the latter by his senses that he would always walk into the former. Feeling a certain degree of displeasure. For those who hold dances in suites on the sixth floor ("Please go upstairs through the right entrance, left entrance on the sixth floor"), he has similar perceptions to those of Princess Palma, who hosts the most luxurious festival in Paris, to a degree they can't believe; when he is in the housewife's bedroom with those who are fathers When people stand together, he will not feel like going to the dance, but when he sees the washbasin covered with towels, the bed changed into a cloakroom, and the overcoats and hats piled up, he inevitably feels breathless, just like when people who spend half their lives using electric lights smell smoky oil lamps or oily candles. The mood is the same. On the day he went out for dinner, he let the coachman set up at 7:30; he dressed and thought about Audrey, so that he could not feel lonely; he often thought about Audrey, so that the moment away from her had the same special charm as when he was beside her. He boarded the carriage and felt that the thoughts of missing Audrey, like a pet animal, had jumped into the carriage and crouched on his knee, accompanying him to his table without being noticed by the guests at the meal. He touched it and warmed his hands on it when he felt a little depressed. A slight tremor arose, his neck shrunk, his nose ruffled, which was unprecedented in him, and the small bunch of cabbage was inserted into the buttonhole. For a time, especially since Audrey introduced Forshville to the Vildirans, Swan felt sad and wanted to have a rest in the countryside. But Odette was in Paris, and he couldn't even summon up the courage to leave Paris for a day. The weather is warm. It's the best day of spring. Although he was crossing the Stone City to a fenced mansion, what he saw before him was his garden in Gombre, where, at four o'clock in the afternoon, you had not yet come to the field where mustard was grown, and the breeze from the Messegris field sent incense in gusts, and you were under the green shack. Feeling cool is the same as the pond surrounded by forget-me-flowers and orchids. When he was eating by the pond, the table was surrounded by currants and roses carefully woven by his gardener. After dinner, if the appointment time at Bronilin Park or Santa Cru is early, he will leave the table immediately, especially when the clouds are thick and it may rain, "believers" will go home early. Once Prince Lom's dinner was late, Swan said goodbye to his master before the coffee was served, and went to the island of Bronilin Park to meet the Vildeland's family, which made her say, "Really, if Swan is over thirty years old and his bladder is defective, it would be forgivable for him to slip so early. 。 He really doesn't take us seriously." He thought that although he could not go to Gombre to enjoy the beautiful spring, he could always enjoy it on Swan Island or Santa Cru. But his whole brain was occupied by Audrey, who could not tell whether he had ever smelled the fragrance of leaves or seen the bright moonlight. He was greeted by the lines of the sonata played on the piano in the dining room. Without the piano, the Vildirans would have taken the trouble to move one from their bedroom or dining room, not because Swan had regained their liking, not at all. Providing a little extra fun to others, even if they are not the people they like, can trigger some kind and friendly feelings on them even in the preparatory stage, even if it is a flash in the pan. Sometimes he thought that another spring night was coming, and he forced himself to pay attention to the trees and the sky. But he missed Odette so much that he couldn't settle down. For some time, his restless mood was unable to get rid of, which prevented him from attaining the tranquility and ease necessary for accepting the natural scene. One evening, Swan was invited to dinner with the Vildirans. At dinner, he said that he was going to attend a party with his old comrades in the same army the next day. Audrey was at the dinner table in front of Forshville (who is now a faithful believer), and in front of the painter, in front of Godard, he said, "Yes, I know. You have a banquet tomorrow; then I can only see you at my house, but don't come too late!" Although Swan was never really upset by Audrey's friendship with any of her followers, he felt very warm when he heard that she was in front of everyone, unconcerned, and unconcerned to admit that they had an appointment every night, that he had a special place in her family, and that she preferred him. Warm. Of course, Swan often thought that Odette was not a great woman at all. He was in a very superior position to her. When he saw her complacent in front of all the followers, he didn't feel any special satisfaction. But since he discovered that Odette was a fascinating woman in the eyes of many men. After a woman who hopes to get her hands, the charm of her body arouses a tormenting desire in his heart to control every cell of her heart thoroughly. First of all, he regarded the time spent in her evening as a golden time, let her sit on his knee and tell her how she thought about such and such things, and he counted the wealth that he still refused to let go in the world. So, after that dinner, he pulled her aside and thanked her with all his might, trying to show her how to measure the amount of pleasure she could offer him according to the degree of gratitude he expressed - the greatest pleasure being that his love for her would continue to attract rivals. When you do, you can get a guarantee that you don't need to be jealous. At the end of the next day's banquet, it rained cats and dogs, but he had only the four-wheeled open carriage; a friend offered to take him home in his sedan car. Since Audrey asked him to go yesterday, it showed that she would not wait for anyone else. Swan could have gone home boldly to sleep without the rain. However, if she saw that he did not intend to spend the rest of the night with her every day without exception, it would be possible that she had another appointment when he especially wanted to spend a good night with her. He arrived at her house after eleven o'clock. When he repeatedly apologized for not coming earlier, she complained that it was too late. She also said that she was uncomfortable and had a headache because of the storm just now. She could only accompany him for half an hour and invited him back at twelve o'clock. Soon, she was exhausted and wanted to go to bed. "So don't you play with Carter Lehran tonight?" He said to her, "I really want to play with it!" She pouted her mouth and said nervously, "No, honey, don't play with Carter's orchids tonight. Don't you think I'm not feeling well?" "Maybe it's good for you to play with it, but I don't insist on it!" She asked him to put out the light before he left, and he put down the account himself before he left. But when he got home, it suddenly occurred to him that Audrey might be waiting for someone tonight who was tired and pretended to be tired. He asked him to turn off the light just to convince him that she was going to fall asleep. When he left, he immediately re-lit it and let the man come in and spend the night with her. He looked at his watch and left her for almost an hour and a half. He went out again and hired a carriage and stopped in a street that was perpendicular to the back door of her house (he sometimes knocked on the window of her bedroom and asked her to open the door); he got out of the car and the street was desolate and dark, and he walked a few steps to it. Her door. All the windows in the street were already dark, with only one window, and a ray of light spilled through the cracks of the shutters, like the boards in which the mysterious golden | coloured * pulp was squeezed in the wine press. On so many other nights, when he walked into the street far away, the light that he saw had made him very angry, informing him that "she was waiting for you" and now informing him that "she was with the person she was waiting for" made him miserable. He wanted to know who that man was; he crept along the roots of the wall to the window, but could not see anything from the slant of the shutters, but could hear murmuring conversations in the silence of the night. Of course, when I saw the light, I thought of the man and woman walking in the golden light behind the window frame, and the man who came after he came home was exposed. Audrey's hypocrisy was exposed. The whisper that she was sharing a happy life with that person also revealed how painful he was. However, he was glad that he had come: the torment that prompted him to come out of his home was less intense because it became clearer and clearer, because the other side of Audrey's life, which had suddenly aroused suspicion and helplessness, was now clearly before him, illuminated by the lamp, and imprisoned. In this room without knowing it, and as long as he is happy, he can go in and capture it. He could also knock on the shutters as he usually came late, so that Audrey could at least know that he had mastered the situation, saw the light and heard their conversation; and he had just imagined that she was laughing at him, but now he wanted to see them admit their mistakes on the spot and be recognized by them. For his trap thousands of miles away. Perhaps what he felt at these almost pleasant moments was not the disappearance of suspicion and pain, but an intellectual pleasure. Since he fell in love with Audrey, his former interest in things has been restored, but it is also limited to the things related to his yearning for Audrey. Now his jealousy arouses another kind of intelligence in his studious youth, that is, the ardent pursuit of the truth, but that is also limited to him and him. The truth about the relationship between mistresses is only the truth illuminated by her brilliance. It is a truth entirely related to individuals. It has only one object, an object of infinite value and almost beyond utilitarian beauty. This is Audret's action, the people connected with her, and her. All kinds of calculations, her past. At any other time in his life, he always thought that other people's daily words and deeds were of little value. Anyone who talked about them in front of him always felt meaningless. He was absent-minded even when listening to them. He felt that he was the most bored mediocre person at the moment. But during this strange love affair, someone else had such a profound influence on him that he felt that his curiosity about the smallest thing that happened to a woman was as strong as his previous reading of history. Everything that he used to think was shameful: peeping at windows, cleverly provoking others to speak for you, buying servants, eavesdropping at doors, is now the same way as deciphering texts, checking testimony and explaining antiquities. It is all scientific research and truth-seeking methods with real academic value. Just as he was about to knock on the blinds, the thought that Audrey would know that he was suspicious, that he had been here, and that he had been waiting in the street gave rise to a sense of shame. She once told him how she hated jealous people and lovers who peeped into each other's privacy. What he was about to do was really clumsy. She would hate him from then on, and she might still love him even though she cheated him before he knocked on the shutter. How many possible happiness people sacrifice for a moment's happiness! But the desire to find out the truth was stronger and more noble to him. He knows that the fact that he checked at the cost of his life can be read behind the window that exposed the light. It is like a gold-stamped cover of a precious document. Scholars who consult the literature will not be unmoved by the artistic value of the manuscript under it. He was eager to know the true situation of this unique, fleeting, precious and unusual manuscript made of such warm, beautiful and translucent material. Moreover, he feels that he is above them --- and he needs it so much --- perhaps not so much that he knows them as that he can show them in front of them that he knows them. He stood on tiptoe. Knock on the window. When he was not heard, he knocked louder and the conversation stopped abruptly. Only a man's voice could be heard, and he tried to identify the voice of one of Audrey's friends he knew: "Who is it?" He was uncertain about whose voice it was. He knocked on the shutters again. The window opened, and then the shutters. Now she couldn't retreat because she was about to know the truth, and in order not to appear too confused, jealous and curious, he had to pretend that nothing had happened and cheerfully cried, "Don't bother, I'm passing by here, see the light, and want to ask if you're all right now." He looked up and saw two old gentlemen standing at the window, one of them holding a lamp, which lit up the room - a strange room. Usually when he came to Audette's house at very late hours, he always recognized her window by the only light in all the identical windows, but this time he made a mistake and knocked on the one next door. He went away apologetically and returned home, delighted that curiosity had been satisfied and that their love had not been harmed. At the same time, after pretending to be somewhat indifferent to Audrey for such a long time, he did not make her realize that his love was too strong through the attack of his jealousy. In the future, he will be happy to cool down. He did not tell her about this experience, and he did not think about it himself. Sometimes, however, when the brain moves, it recalls the hidden memory of the event in the deep of the brain, so vividly that it has to be buried deeper again. Then he suddenly feels intense pain. It seems to be a kind of physical pain, Swan's thought can not make it alleviate, but if it is a kind of physical pain, it has nothing to do with thought at least, thought can always carefully examine it, found that it has weakened, has disappeared for a while. But his pain, whenever it comes to mind, can only make it reappear. To think about it without thinking about it is actually to think about it again, for which he feels even more painful. When he talked to his friends, he forgot his pain, but an inadvertent remark from others would make him suddenly discolored, as if a wounded person had been touched by a bold ghost. When he left Audrey, he was in a good mood and felt calm. He recalled her talking about other men. A sarcastic smile and a warm smile; recalling how she lowered her head almost involuntarily to his lips, as if she had been in the carriage for the first time; recalling how she held her head against his shoulder as if she were afraid of cold, and looked at him with blank eyes Eyes. However, his jealousy and his love seemed to go hand in hand, and immediately came out to provide a copy of the smile she had thrown to him tonight, and a reversal came, which turned into a mockery of Swan and full of love for another person; her head hung down to other people's lips, and all her warmth for him. Performance is also targeted at others. All the soul-stirring impressions he brought back from her home now seem to have become sketches and plans provided by an interior decorator, which enable Swan to imagine the warm, ecstatic behavior she might exhibit in front of others. In this way, he regretted every pleasure he had felt around her, every caress he had imagined for himself (he was so cautious about telling her how these movements made him happy), and every beauty he had found in her, so he knew that in a moment, all these were It will become a new tool in her hands to torture him. When Swan remembered a few days ago, he suddenly found a short glimpse in Audrey's eyes for the first time; this memory made the torture even more cruel. It happened after dinner at the Vildirans. Forshville may have sensed that his brother-in-law Saniette was not in their house and wanted to make a mockery of him and make a show of himself: perhaps it was because Saniette had just said something silly to him and was annoyed, even though nobody else in the room heard him, let alone knew that the speaker had accidentally stabbed someone. Perhaps the old man who deliberately wanted to know his own details, and sometimes felt uncomfortable when he met, hurled himself out of the house, so he answered Saniette's awkward remarks very roughly and scolded him. Because of his fear, weakness and entreaty, the more he scolded, the more bold he became. When a poor fellow asked Mrs. Vildiran whether he should stay and not be answered, he went away with tears in his eyes and murmuring. Audrey watched the scene indifferently, but when the door slammed behind Saniette, the usual expression on her face seemed to fall several gear to match Forshville in despicable terms. A sly smile flashed in her eyes, which was a congratulation on Forshville's bold action and a mockery of its victims; she gave him an accomplice's evil glance, as if to say, "If I look well, he's done for now." Did you see his embarrassing look? He cried." When Foshville saw her look, he suddenly put back his anger (or pretended anger), smiled and answered, "He can come as long as he learns to be liked. It's always good for him to learn a lesson, no matter he's young or old." One afternoon Swan went out to visit her, and the man was not at home, so he wanted to go to Audette's house. Although he had never been there before, he knew that she would be at home at this time, or take a nap, or write a letter, and then use tea. He wanted to visit her at this time, which should be interesting and not disturb her. The doorman said he thought she was at home; he rang the bell as if he heard a voice, someone moved, but no one came to open the door. Again anxious and annoyed, he went up the street at the back door of the house to the window of Audrey's bedroom; the curtains were blocked and nothing could be seen inside; he knocked hard on the window glass and called; no one came to open the window. He saw only a few neighbourhoods poking their heads out to see him. He left, thinking that he might have heard something wrong just now, but there was no footsteps in fact; however, he was always at ease and his mind could not think of anything else. An hour later, he came back and saw her. She said that he was at home when he rang the bell just now, but he was asleep. The bell woke her up, and she guessed it was him. He ran forward, but he had already gone. She also heard a knock on the back window. In her words, Swan immediately heard the truth that those who were caught lying on the spot had inserted into their fabricated lies in order to comfort themselves, and they thought that the fabrication of the truth would make the lies real. When Audrey did something to hide from others, she certainly wanted to hide it in her heart. However, when she faced the person she wanted to hide, her heart was chaotic, her thoughts were broken up, her fabrication and reasoning abilities were paralyzed, her mind became a vacuum, but she had to say something. What she remembered happened to be the only thing she kept in her mind because the things she needed to hide were real. She took out a little detail that was not important in itself, and thought it would stand the test, not as dangerous as false details. She thought to herself, "Anyway, it's true. That's one of the advantages. He always admits that it's true and won't make me show up even though he asks about it." She was wrong, and it was this that made her reveal her stuff; she did not realize that the real details had some edges and corners that could only fit seamlessly with the relevant details that she had castrated at will, and that no matter how much she inserted the real details in the middle of the fabricated details, they would always be exaggerated. Or because there are still some unmended holes that reveal the true details and they do not constitute a whole. Swan thought, "She admits to hearing me ring the doorbell, knocking on the window, and thinking that I want to see me. But that's inconsistent with the fact that she didn't have the door opened." But he did not point out the contradiction, and he wanted Audrey to go on telling him what lies she might lie about, which might provide some clues to the truth; she kept saying that he did not interrupt her, but listened to what she said to him with longing and pain, feeling that they were like the curtain in front of the temple. Like cloth, it vaguely hides and vaguely sketches the infinitely precious but unfortunately undetectable truth (which she does cover up when she speaks) - what exactly she was doing when he arrived at three o'clock. This truth, he may always be able to grasp only some lies, some incredible, unreadable historical relics, it only exists in the secret memory of the person who can not assess its value, but she will not reveal it to him. Of course, he sometimes thought that Odette's daily activities were not necessarily worthy of such keen attention. Her relationship with other men might not, in general, make a thoughtful person feel so sad that she wanted to die. He realized that his concern and sadness were only minor faults. Once it passed, Odette's every move, the kisses she gave him, would still be the same as those of other women's movements and kisses, not to evoke his sad memories. However, when he realized that the root of his painful curiosity was in him, it did not make him feel that it was essential to try his best to satisfy it, which was against reason. This is because, at the age of Swan, their philosophy of life is different from that of young people; especially Swan, influenced by contemporary philosophy and by the circle of Mrs. Lom, where one's talent is considered to be in direct proportion to his suspicion of everything, and it is believed that only in the case of Swan. Everyone's personal hobbies can find real and indisputable things. The philosophy of life at his age is empirical, almost medical, and they no longer reveal what they are pursuing. Instead, they try to discover the remnants of habits and passions that they may regard as their own characteristics * from the years that have passed, and their first concern is their present. Can lifestyle fit those habits and passions? Swan thought it wise to admit that he felt pain because he didn't know what Odette had done, just as he admitted that wet weather would aggravate his eczema; he also thought it wise to spend a lot of money on collecting information related to Odette's daily life (which would make him feel unfortunate if he lacked it), and he was right. Isn't that true for other hobbies that are sure to have fun (at least before falling in love), such as collecting art and delicious food? When he was going to say goodbye to Odette that day, she asked him to stay a little longer, and even grabbed his arm to keep him warm when he was about to open the door and go out. But he didn't care, because in the numerous gestures, words and subtle events of a conversation, we inevitably turned a blind eye to the gestures that hide our suspicions and explore the truth, and so on. We could not find anything that attracted our attention, but nothing. What about the content? She said to him again and again, "You never come in the afternoon. Once in a blue moon, I haven't seen you again. What bad luck you are!" He knows that her love for him is not as deep as her strong regret for his absence. However, her heart is still good and she wants to win his favor. When she causes him unhappiness, he is often really sad, so this time he has not been able to enjoy spending an hour with her. It was natural for her to feel sad, but the pleasure would be a great pleasure to him, not necessarily in her mind. He was amazed at how painful she had always been when things were not so great. Her face reminded him more than usual of the faces of the women in the works of the author of Spring and the painter. She had the sad look of their childhood Jesus playing with a pomegranate or seeing Moses pouring water into the manger, as if they had unbearable pain in their hearts. He had seen her sad expression once before, but he had forgotten when it was. Suddenly he remembered that she had once lied to Mrs. Vildiran the next day that she had not gone to her house because she was ill the day before, in order to have dinner with Swan. To be honest, even if Audrey was the most demanding woman in the world, she needn't feel so sorry for such a innocent lie. But Audrey's usual lies are not so blameless, they are used to cover up some troubles between her and some friends. Therefore, when she lied, she was timid and felt unable to justify herself. She was uncertain whether the lie would work or not. She was so exhausted that she almost cried like some children who had not slept well. In addition, she also knows that her lies are usually to seriously hurt the other party, and if they are not well told, she will fall under the control of the other party. So she felt both humble and guilty in front of him. And when she tells no so-called lies in social occasions, through some associations, some memories, she will feel exhausted, feel regret for doing a bad thing. (1) Referring to the Italian Renaissance painter Botticelli (1500-1571), how did her tormenting lie to Swan make her eyes so painful, her voice so melancholy, as if she were begging for mercy, as if she could hardly hold herself back? Just then, he heard a bell. Audrey was still talking, but her words had become a moan: her regret that she could not see Swan in the afternoon and open the door for him in time had become a lifelong regret. I could only hear the door closed again and the sound of the carriage. It seemed that someone had turned back - mostly a man who could not be seen by Swan, who had just been told that Audrey was not at home. Swan thought that he had disrupted so many arrangements she didn't want him to know just once when she usually didn't come, and that he was somewhat frustrated, even distressed. But he still loved Audrey, and thought of her all the time. His compassion for her arose and he murmured, "Poor little baby!" When he left her, she handed him several letters on the table and asked him if he could post them for her. He took the letters away and returned home to find that they were still there. He went back to the post office, took it out of his pocket, and looked at the address before throwing it into the mailbox. All were written to suppliers, only one to Foshville. He left the letter in his hand and thought, "If I look at what the letter says, I will know how she calls him, what tone she speaks, and whether there is any relationship between them. If I don't take a look at it, it may be a sign of indifference to Audrey, because my suspicion may have wronged her and in vain saddened her. Looking at the letter is the only way to dispel this suspicion. Once the letter is sent, my suspicion will not be dispelled, and she can only continue to feel sad." He left the post office and came home with the letter. He lit a candle and put the envelope near the candle (he dared not open it). Nothing was visible at first, but the envelope was thin and the last words could be seen by hand on the hard card paper inside. That's an ordinary concluding remark. If he hadn't come to see her letter to Forshville, but to see her letter to Swan, he would have seen some very intimate words. The envelope is bigger than the card inside. He slides the card with his thumb and moves a line of words to the part of the envelope that does not have a sandwich. This is the only part that can reveal the handwriting inside. Nevertheless, he could not see clearly, but it had nothing to do with it. Anyway, he had seen enough words to understand that there was nothing remarkable in the letter and that it had nothing to do with any relationship; it was something to do with Audret's uncle. Swan saw the words "How can I not do it" at the beginning of a line, but did not understand how Audrey could not do anything. Suddenly, a few words that could not be recognized just now were clearly read, which made the meaning of the whole sentence clear: "How can I not open the door, that's my uncle?" It turned out that when Swan rang the doorbell, Fushville was at her house and she sent him away, so he heard footsteps. At the end of the letter, she apologized for his rudeness and told him that he had left his cigarette box at her house, which was the same sentence she had written when Swan first came, but added, "Why don't you even leave your heart here?" If that's the case, I won't let you take it back." And there is no such thing as Forshville: there is no sign of any collusion between them. To be honest, Forshville was more deceived than he was, because Audrey wrote to him that the visitor was her uncle. In short, in her mind, it was him, Swan, who occupied more position, and it was for him that she sent that one away. However, if there was nothing between Audrey and Forshville, why didn't she open the door immediately? Why did she say, "How can I not open the door? It's my uncle?" If she hadn't done anything bad at that time, how could Foshville believe that she didn't open the door right away? Swan was stunned, sad and confused, but she was glad that Audrey had boldly handed him the envelope because she absolutely believed that he was a decent man. However, through the transparent window of the envelope, Audrey was also revealed to him, in addition to the secret he thought he would never know. The corner of life seems to open a bright narrow gap for the unknown kingdom. At this time, his vinegar was greatly excited by the discovery, which seemed to have its own independent life, selfish and greedy for everything that could nourish it, even at the expense of Swan himself. Now that vinegar had its food, Swan worried about who Audrey would receive around five o'clock in the afternoon every day, trying to find out where Forshville was at that time. This is because Swan's love for Audrey still retains the characteristics of the beginning. He knows nothing about how Audrey spent her day, and his mind is too lazy to fill the gap with imagination. First of all, he was not suspicious of Odette's whole life, but only of certain moments of her day, in which some circumstances (perhaps misinterpreted) led him to suspect that Odette would be unfaithful to him. His suspicion, like an octopus, first held out one tentacle, then the second and then the third, firmly fixed at five o'clock in the afternoon, then another, and then another. Nevertheless, Swan would not fabricate his own feelings of pain out of nothing. His painful feelings are nothing more than the memory and continuation of some painful feelings from outside. But everything outside brought him pain again and again. He wanted to isolate Audrey from Forshville and take her south for a few days. But he also thought that all the men in the hotel would pursue her and she would pursue them. He himself used to pursue new love on his journey and go to places where people are crowded, but now people feel that he is a little isolated and avoids society, as if he had been hurt by society. When he regards every man as a potential lover of Audrey, how can he not dislike human beings? In this way, Swann's vinegar power further contributed to the alteration of otherness and personality than his original intense desire for Audrey's joy, which made him completely different in other people's eyes, even the external characteristics of showing his sexual personality completely changed. A month after he had read Audrey's letter to Forshville, Swan went to a dinner at the Vildelands'Bronilin Garden. As the group was leaving, he noticed that Mrs. Vildiran was talking to several guests. It seemed that they were reminding the pianist to attend the party in Shaddou the next day. What about Swan? He was not invited. The couple, John Christopher Verdiland, spoke in a low voice and vaguely. The painter, however, was careless and shouted, "Don't light any lights at that time. Let him play the Moonlight Sonata in the dark. Let's enjoy the moonlight." When Mrs. Vildiran saw Swan in front of her, she made an expression on her face, both to signal the speaker to shut up and to convince the listener that it had nothing to do with her. However, this wish was drowned out by her dull eyes. In her eyes, the innocent smile covered the eyes of her accomplices. It is found that people who leak their mouths will take it. The speaker may not realize it immediately, but the listener will know it immediately. Audrey suddenly changed her face, as if she thought it was too difficult to be a man and had to resign herself to fate. Swan was anxious to leave the restaurant so that she could ask her on the way, persuade her not to go to Summer tomorrow, or try to let him be invited, hoping that her anxiety would calm down in her arms. At last it was time to call for a carriage. Mrs. Vildiran said to Swan, "Goodbye, I hope to see you again soon." While trying to avoid him noticing that she did not say as usual: "See you tomorrow, my home the day after tomorrow." The Vildirans boarded Forshville in their car. Swan's car was parked behind their car. He was waiting for Audrey to get on. "We'll take you home, Audrey," said Mrs. Verdiland. "There's a place next to Mr. Forshville." "All right, madam," Audrey answered. "What? I always thought I was the one to take you home, "Swan cried out, not choosing the euphemistic words, because the door was open and he was impatient and could not go home alone like that. "Mrs. Coveldiland wants me to..." "Come on, go home alone, we've given her enough times," said Mrs. Vildiran. "I have something important to say to Mrs. De Cressie." "You can write to her." "Good-bye," said Audrey, reaching out to him. He wanted to smile, but his face was really ugly. "Did you see it?" Swan is so rude to us now, "Mrs. Vildiran said to her husband when they got home." Let's take Audrey home. It looks as if he would like to swallow me up. It's so impolite! He simply described us as having a tryst hall! ______________ I really don't understand how Audrey could stand his attitude. His air is exactly like saying,'You are my man'. I'm going to tell Audrey what I think. I hope she understands what I mean." After a while, she angrily searched for a complement: "Hum! This beast!" She unconsciously (and perhaps out of the need to justify herself) used the words of a dying innocent animal to provoke the peasants who killed it in the final struggle, as Franois did when he killed the hen in Gombrey who refused to breathe. When Mrs. Vildiran's carriage left and Swann moved forward, his driver looked at him and asked him if he was ill or what had happened. Swan sent him back, and he preferred to walk back to Bronilin Park on foot. He spoke aloud to himself, in a tone more or less pretentious than the beauty of the little core of the Vildiran family that he had experienced for a time and the magnanimity of the couple. Odette's words, smiles and kisses, which he used to think were so sweet, would be so disgusting if he took someone else as his object. Similarly, the living room of the Vildeland family, which he had just thought was so interesting, exuded a genuine love of art, even a spiritual aristocratic flavor. Now, because Audrey went to meet and fell in love freely, it was not him but another person, so it exposed to him its ridiculousness, stupidity and shamelessness. He imagined in his mind that they would have a party in summer tomorrow with disgust." First of all, I chose such a place as Xiadu! That's where the silk merchants just closed! Those people are full of city spirit. They are not real people with flesh and blood. They are the characters in Rabish's play!! _____________ Labish (1815-1888): French playwright who wrote 173 comedies in his life. Most of the people who attended were Mr. and Mrs. Godard, and possibly Brishaw. It's funny how these little people get mixed up. If they don't get together in summer tomorrow, they'll feel like they're going to die!" God! And the painter, the pimp painter, who would invite Forshville and Audrey to visit his studio. Swan imagined that Audette would wear clothes that were too fashionable for the outing. "She's a vulgar person, and this poor devil is so silly!" He seemed to hear Mrs. Vildiran's after-dinner jokes, which had always amused him in the past, no matter which obnoxious fellow they aimed at, because when he saw Audrey laughing for them and laughing with him, her laughter almost merged with his own laughter. Now he feels that people will use him as a joke to make Audrey laugh. What a disgusting joy it is!" He said he felt the tense muscles in his neck rubbing against the collar of his shirt when his mouth was pouted. Yes? How could a man created in the image of God find a joke in such a disgusting joke? Anyone with a slightly smarter nose will frown to avoid such fumigation. How can one not understand that when she laughs at a fellow who once held out her hand to her with dignity and light, she falls into the mud pit of eternal destruction? It's incredible! Those guys are chattering under Jiuquan, spitting out shameless slanders, and I'm over nine days. My mother-in-law Verdilana's jokes don't spill on me!!! ______________ He held his head up and shouted. As God can testify, I sincerely want to pull Audrey out of that rotten mud pit and bring her into a noble and pure environment. But man's patience is always limited, and my patience has come to an end, "he said, as if the mission of rescuing Audrey from this sarcastic environment had been taking place for a long time, not just a few minutes ago, as if he had given himself such a mission, not so. It was at the moment when he thought the sarcastic remarks might be directed at him and aimed to pull Audrey away from him. He saw the pianist preparing to play the Moonlight Sonata and Mrs. Verdiland's face when she feared that Beethoven's music might stimulate her nerves. "Fool! The deceiver!" He cried aloud, "What else is this love of art?" She would speak cleverly of Forshville in front of Audrey (as she used to say of him) and then say to her, "Would you like to make room for Mr. Forshville by your side?" In the dark! This fiberman! This pimp!" Pimping"- He also calls the music that urges a couple to sit down silently, daydream together, and look at each other, holding hands, pimping. He felt that Plato, Bossuet and the old-fashioned French education had a rigorous attitude towards all kinds of arts. Bossuet (1627-1704): French writer and preacher. All in all, the life of the Vildeland family, which he once called "real life", has now become in his mind the worst life ever; their little core has become the last and the worst place to socialize. He said, "It's not bad at all. It's the lowest level in the social ladder and the lowest level in Dante's Divine Comedy. There is no doubt that Dante's awesome remarks were directed at the Vildirans! Speaking of it, the people in the upper class, though they have something to blame, are different from the gang of hooligans. When they refuse to get acquainted with this group and disdain to touch them with their fingers, they are still wise. The Saint Germanic motto Nolimetangere (don't touch me) is so insightful! _____________ He had left the path of Bronillin Garden long before, and was almost home, but he had not yet recovered from his pain, from his insincere drunkenness, and from time to time the unreal tone and artificial clang of his voice strengthened his drunkenness, and he was still in the stillness of the night. I can see more clearly that people in the upper classes have their shortcomings, but they still do something wrong after all. A fashionable woman I've been dealing with is far from perfect, but she still has a delicate feeling in her bones. She acts with integrity. No matter what happens, she won't betray you. That's enough to make an insurmountable gap between her and the villan bitch. Vildiran! What kind of surname is this? Well! They are the most outstanding and unparalleled model among the number one people. Thank goodness! Now it's time to pull back from the cliff and stop mixing with the shameless people and the dung and garbage. When Jesus was resurrected, the first thing he saw was Mary Magdalene (that is, Madeleine, who was a prostitute in the Gospel of Luke and was transformed from evil to good by Jesus). Jesus said to her, "Do not touch me, for I have not yet ascended to my Father." Later used to refer to people or things that are not in strong contact. (2) Verdurin, which is similar to purin (feces and urine). Nevertheless, Swan did not think long ago that the virtues that the Vildirans possessed, even though they did possess them, were not enough to arouse in Swan the state of ecstasy that they were so moved by their magnanimity, if they had not promoted and protected his love. If they had been infected by someone else, this person would have been Audrey; likewise, if Audrey and his wife hadn't invited Audrey to go with Forshville and left him alone, the bad behaviour he found in the couple today (even if it was) would not have aroused him to be so mad. Complaint, severely accuse them of "shamelessness". There is no doubt that Swan's words would have been better than his mind if he had avoided using words that were disgusting to the circle of Vildiran and expressing his joy at getting rid of it, instead of putting on airs and expressing his thoughts instead of venting his anger. Far-sighted. When he was addicted to the abuse, he thought mostly of a completely different object, so as soon as he got home and closed the door, he patted his head and ordered it to be reopened. This time, in a natural tone, he cried, "I believe I've come up with the idea of being invited to summer capital tomorrow." That's the way for the dinner party." But that didn't work. Swan wasn't invited. It turned out that Dr. Godard had been summoned to the provinces to see a very sick man. He had not met the Vildirans for many days, nor had he been able to go to Xiadu that day. On the second day of the dinner party, he came to their house and asked, "So we won't see Mr. Swan tonight?" He doesn't have a close friend at the moment..." "I don't believe he will come!" Mrs. Verdiland cried out, "God bless us, don't let us see this disgusting, silly, uncultured fellow again." When Godard heard this, he was both shocked and obedient, as if he had heard a truth unexpectedly but clearly in front of him. He had to bury his nose in the dish excitedly and timidly and repeatedly said, "Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! Oh! The mid-breath exhausted little by little, and the voice sank deeper than the sound. From then on, Swan had no way to go to Vildiran's house. In this way, the living room where Swan and Audrey had been pinned together has now become an obstacle to their dating. She could no longer say to him, as they had done in their first love,'There's a dinner party at the Vildeland's tomorrow evening anyway,'but,'There's a dinner party at the Vildeland's tomorrow evening. Otherwise, if the Vildelands were to take her to the Comedy Opera House to see Cleopatra Night, Swan would see in Audrey's eyes a look of panic *, lest he should ask her not to go. Not long ago, when such a look * passed his mistress's face, he could not help giving her a kiss, but now it's only one. Can irritate him. He thought: When I saw that she wanted to listen to this shit-like music, I felt not angry, but sad, not for myself, but for her; more than six months after meeting each other every day, she had not changed her mind and abandoned Viktor Marseille's music on her own initiative! Especially, it is not clear that, in some nights, a person with more delicate feelings should be able to give up some pleasure at the request of others. She should say "I'm not going" even if it's just a strategic consideration, because other people judge her psychological qualities based on her answers, and "once a conclusion is reached, it's never going to change." He first convinced himself that he only wanted her to accompany him that night instead of going to the Opera House in order to make a better judgement of Audrey's spiritual qualities. Then he convinced Audrey in the same way that he had just convinced himself that he was not sincere, or even worse, because he wanted to use her at the same time. Her self-esteem moved her. (1) Victor Marcel (1822-1884), French musician, author of Queen Topaz and Night of Cleopatra. "I swear to you," he said as she was leaving the theatre. "When I asked you not to go, if I were a selfish person, I would like you to refuse my request, because tonight I have a lot of things to do. If you promise me not to go unexpectedly, I will ask for trouble. . But my own business, my own pleasure is not everything, I have to think about you. Maybe one day, when you leave me, you have the right to blame me, saying that when I feel the love for you and should give you serious advice, but did not remind you in time. Look at "The Night of Cleopatra" (What's the title!) It has nothing to do with this problem. What I have to know is whether you are the least mindless, even the least charming person, and whether you can't abandon a kind of fun as a despicable person. If you do, how can someone love you? Because you are not even a person, a real person, although not perfect, but at least can be perfected. You become a drop of water without a certain shape, sliding down the slope arranged by others, and you become a fish without memory and thinking. You live in a fish tank for a day and hit the glass hundreds of times, always thinking that it is water. I'm not saying that I won't love you anymore when I hear your answer, but when I understand that you're not human, you're too upscale, you're not so charming, you don't understand? Of course, I wanted to dismiss the idea of seeing Cleopatra's Night (you forced me to stain my mouth and say this dirty name) as a trivial matter, but I still wanted you to go, but I decided to think about it as I did just now, from your back. The answer has such serious consequences, so I think it's better to remind you." Odette had long been more and more excited and hesitant. Although she did not understand the significance of the speech, she knew that it was a kind of "empty talk" and acting, which belonged to blame or prayer. Men were used to seeing it at first hand and did not need to pay attention to the details of the speech, so she could conclude that if they did not love you, they would not say it, but since they did. If you love you, you don't need to do what they say. They can only love you more afterwards. So she would have listened to Swan calmly, but with the passage of time, if he had to say a few more words, she would have missed the prelude - she said it to him with a gentle, persistent and ambiguous smile. He once said to her that the worst thing that could stop him from loving her was that she refused to abandon the evil habit of lying. He said to her, "You can't understand, even from a charming point of view alone, how much charm would you lose if you fell to lying? Honestly tell the truth, you can redeem how many mistakes! To be honest, you're not as smart as I thought you were!" Swan listed the reasons why she didn't have to lie one by one, but it was useless: if Audrey had a whole set of theories about lying in her mind, Swan's reasons might destroy it, but Audrey didn't have such a theory: she only asked to do one thing at a time that she didn't want Swan to do. Just don't tell him what you know. Therefore, to her, lying is a specific means; whether she uses it or tells the truth depends entirely on a specific reason, that is, Swan finds out that she has no possibility of telling the truth * whether it is big or small. As far as body is concerned, she's going through a bad stage: she's getting fat; the expressive and loving charm of the past, with surprising and thoughtful eyes, seems to have vanished with her youth, but Swan feels more precious when she finds out that she's not as good-looking as she used to be. He often gazed at her for a long time, trying to capture the charm he had seen on her in the past, but in vain. But he knew that it was Audrey's heart that was beating under the new pupa shell, and that her changeable, unpredictable, concealed nature remained the same, which was enough for him to continue trying to conquer her with the same passion. He looked at her picture two years ago and remembered how beautiful she was. This gave him some comfort, and it was not in vain to worry so much about her. When the Vildirans took her to St. Germain, Chateau and Mulang, they often temporarily offered to stay there for the night and come back the next day if the weather was good. The pianist's aunt was in Paris, and Mrs. Verdiland always tried to persuade him not to worry about the old man: "She will be happy that you are not with her all day." She knows you're with us. Why are you worried? Besides, I'm carrying everything. If she fails, Mr. Vildiran asks the faithful followers around him who need to send a letter to his family, then crosses the field, sends a telegram to a telegraph office, or sends a message back to him. Odette always declined, saying that no one needed to be notified, because she had already told Swan that sending such a letter to him in public was tantamount to exposing herself. Sometimes she went out for several days, and the Vildirans took her to Delle to see the graveyard, or, on the painter's advice, to Gombigne Forest to watch the sunset, and then to Bierfong Castle. The last one returns to the next one in the catalogue